Friday, September 22, 2006

I lost control of my mental state

The week started off as what i had anticipated and my profits soared! However by the end of the week, my anticipation didn't complete a fairy tale ending. I thought this time i'm in for the big kill! But it was not to be. Throughout the week, due to the Thailand coup, market had reactions and my HSI warrants had a roller coaster week. While I was deep in profits, instead of feeling happy, I was feeling very unsafe. All through the week, my mind was on "should i take profit? What if it goes up further after i sell? what if the profit is wiped off by the market swing?". Yes, it was a slip in psychology. I was self sabotaging myself.

This is serious and not good. You can see I have not updated my blog for the whole week. Cold fingers looking at the wild swing of HSI, experiencing fast heartbeats and each night I would dream about how the market will move the next day. Totally not in control of my mental state. Throughout the week, I have this nagging uneasy feeling, I couldn't explain it. Deep in my conscious I knew I have been too biased to the bulls side and should the bears visit, i will lose a bulk of my paper profits. I was at times tempted by greed and driven by fear. The kind of internal struggle that almost put me on the fine thread of sanity.

Also, I have been too ambitious to kick start my training programs. Speaking almost every week of the month, I didn't had enough enough time to rest and focus on the market. I was simply over stretching my time and energies. Hence I have decided to cut back on trainings to free up more time to rest. The month of September has been really tiring and having not enough rest, I couldn't conjure up trading ideas nor have the energies to research past winners and seek out growth sector.

Now that I have squared off my position in HSI, it's like a big rock off my chest. I feel so much better with no emotional baggage. So that is what was bugging me throughout the week. Simply amazing, now as i am typing out my thoughts, i can feel the inner peace that was missing for the whole week. 本来无衣物,何处惹尘埃。 Livermore always said when comes to speculating, it is very important to keep your mind at peace.

I took time to really think hard mid day, and i decided to took profit on my HSI today. These are the push factors for me to act. For the record, Buy@ 0.750, Sell@0.920. Guess where did HSI close? 0.950! !@#@$@!! always happen! haha

1) Why should I risk 80% of profits for another 20%?

2) Nikkei had a big drop, DJ and nasdaq didn't had follow through in their rally.

3) HSI though close strongly, I cannot ignore the fact that it didn't perform a great rally after breakout. I have seen how indices when in the mood to party can at least rally for 2 straight days. This time round, HSI did nothing of that sort,
it is not acting correctly. As long as I don't give up trading, there will be a day i can latch myself to those moves.

4) I was not thinking with my head but began to hope the market will go higher. That is a sign of losing control to me. I was greedy for more profit and yet fear my paper profits will depreciate.

5) My friend reminded me not to be too aggresssive. Being a small account trader, I need to build my capital first. As my capital grow bigger, it will then enable me to take bigger risk in the future.

Ahhhh! It feel so much better after I type away my thoughts and feelings. I will be back Sunday night to blog down my anticipations! :D Huat arh!